I know I want to start it like this:

Dear Fuckers,

Fuck this place.  You're lucky I didn't set this place on fire.  You can all suck it.

Fuck you,
Lenore

It needs more bulk.  Any suggestions?

Happy Independence Day from this second generation American's corner of the blogospher which is a super, teeny, tiny corner of the smallest blog hosting of the webbernet.  We arguably may not have the best of everything here in the baby country of the USA but we have the freedom to make it, do it and say it then bitch about it.  Fuuuuck yeah!

Speaking of making things, check out Felicia Day and Tom Lenk's super fun interpretation of the Star Spangled Banner as you look wistfully into the distance and think about pie.

While I wait patiently for Seanzoz from YouTube to post his last few episodic parodies of Game of Thrones, College Humor put up part 2 of their GoT RPG game.  Lots of spoilers but bonus slappage.  And they definitely got Danery's acting down tight.

It's GoT so not safe for work but I know you'll watch it anyway.

IT WAS A JOKE!!!  I didn't seriously suggest a 5am run on a holiday!!!  And definitely not 10 miles!!!  Screw that, I'm sticking to my schedule.  6 and Starbucks and Swim. 

What wasn't a joke was everybody getting 'Celebrate early and go home!" messages at work while I'm pretty sure my co-workers are still co-working in the office right now.  We joked last year they sent out a message at 6pm California time to the people on Eastern Standard Time to go home early.  Oh, ha.  Ha ha ha.  Yes.  Ha. 

Saturday afternoon

Asthma Doc: "You have to wait 24 hours before getting your tetanus after your allergy shoes.  Why do you need it again?"

Me:  "I'm swimming at Cardinal Harbor's triathlon in the Ohio."

Asthma Doc: "So you'll be dead in a couple of weeks?"

Me: "..."

Asthma Doc: "..."

Me: "Holy shit, at least you're honest."

Asthma Doc: "I'll laugh at your funeral.  Can you engrave a referral to my practice on your tombstone?  We make a lot of money off of you."

I got my immunization update today and my blood pressure was uncharacteristically high.  Normally I'm 110/60-70 and today it was 128/80.  In my best shape, my diastolic was about 40-50.  Today's numbers weren't terribly high in the range but my doc was concerned because it was an outlier compared to my 5 year chart and both my parents' histories.  I think it's high because of the heat, I drink more caffeine than anybody I know, the weather's turned my stomach into an acid machine and the stress from my job keeps me on edge.  He knows about my 366 day running goal and the vast differences in the recoveries of my dad's and mom's quintuple bypass and congestive heart/kidney failure respectively.

Nurse practitioner: "Cut back on caffeine."

Me:  "No."

NP:  "Young lady, I'm putting that on your permanent record."

Fine.  FINE.  I'll cut back. 

ETA:  Asthma Doc reminds me of the Dr. Spaceman on 30 Rock.  Dr. Jones is awesome beyond belief and gives a break on samples and looks for the most affordable prescriptions on  insurance plans.  Still, I give him the wonky eye on our exchanges. 

A laugh riot.  Matthew McConaughey just let his freak flag fly and went there.  I've never been to an all male revue but as my friend Darcy put it, it's like seeing the show without having to leave a tip.  Win-Win.  The show sort of turned interactive, I think the audience was just as funny as the movie itself.  I'd love to see a short of Matthew McC just riffing as this character because every time he was on stage, the entire theater would erupt in a a huge cackle.  As somebody who's admittedly been rode hard and put away wet in my time, there's nothing shocking about anything portrayed in this movie.  But it was an unapologetic (up to a certain groaning point) fluff piece (punny!) and that was refreshing.

Where are my glasses?!!!  Oh, crap.

Trying to get out the door for my run and I'm obviously not making progress as I've given up and resorted to blogging instead.

Well that'll teach me to drink an entire beer on a Friday night two weeks in a row.  That's two whole beers in two weeks, what a lush.  This wasn't even the beer I'd wanted, the fire and smoke at The Holy Grale.  It's always sold out, I've yet to taste it.  My home bar is still NABC but if anywhere in Louisville serves Diebels, that's where I'll park my arse unless I have some of my peeps in. It's ridiculous.  German gang flies across the pond, sit in an Irish American bar with dozens upon dozens of various microbrews available and they all order Budweiser.  Not the ironic hipster original European company brew but the kind you can find at any Thorntons.  Beer-Bread-Meat are a lot of that country's pride and joy (along with games with 9 billion pieces to set up but that's a whole other post) so their preference for piss water defied their prior defensiveness about the quality of their food stuffs. 

How seriously does Deutschland take it's baking?  Meet the unofficial children's loaf representative, a depressed bread puppet they put into television and movie parodies against its will, Bernd das Brot (my friends call it Bernie the Bread to twist the knife a little more).  Germans would totally create a talking loaf and psychoanalyze it for preferring to suffer from ennui while being the center of attention.  That is some serious bread.

Spock becomes Fatalist Mr. Brot in this parody.  You know, for kids.  I'm much more used to C is for cookie and cookie cookie cookie starts with C.  It's a wonder they think some Americans is am are stupid.  Screw that, I can't defend that all the time.  When I see them in November, I'm taking them to the most obnoxious sports bar where they can get all the cheap beer they want for a buck fiddy and introduce them to the Okalona Corona (Bud Lite with lime).

On less critical and more pleasant side of things from the other side of the pond, here's something to watch out for . . . the studio where Christoph works created a sequel for their Oscar nominated short, The Gruffalo, which is based on a story by Julia Donaldson and illustrations by Alex Scheffler.  It's really quite lovely and Studio Soi did a wonderful job with both parts.  Here's the trailer for the original:

And below, the trailer for the sequel, The Gruffalo's Child.  Oh, the brogue, the accents are sweet to my ears.  If you can read the credits, they have some recognizable names providing voice talent. 

Room on the Broom is their current project and lo and behold, Simon Pegg is narrating.  Yay!   They just finished the voice recording work and I got to hear about the miniatures and set layout earlier in the Spring.  Makes me want to delve into a huge book store pile of illustrated stories and explore for adaptation sparks - one of my favorite things to do with Christoph and Marisa when we are all together, there or here.  Or used to do here.  Not many bookstores left in Louisville. 

My friend Frueke was just hired on at another studio after several months of indecision from them.  Another yay!  And her brother is trying to get an illustration book published but is sort of stuck in corporate hell to get that launched.  I am there with you, brother.  Big, long sigh.

Help me understand what's missing.  This is a quick summary of the health insurance issue from here:

Affordable Care Act (Obamacare) explained!

Bob: Hi, insurance company. I'd like to buy some health insurance.

Insurance company: No. You had cancer when you were 3 years old, and the cancer could come back. We're not selling health insurance to you.

Bob: It's not my fault I got cancer when I was three! Besides, that was years ago!

Insurance company: If we sell insurance to you, we'll probably lose money, and we're not doing it.

Bob: But I need insurance more than anyone! My cancer might come back!

Insurance company: We don't care. We're not selling you insurance.

Obama: Hey, that's totally not fair. Bob is right, he does need insurance! Sell Bob some insurance.

Insurance company: If we have to, I guess.

Mary: This is cool. Obama said the insurance company has to sell insurance to anyone who needs it.

Sam: Hey, I have an idea. I'm going to stop paying for health insurance. If I get sick, I can always go buy some insurance then. The insurance company won't be able to say no, because Obama's told them they have to sell it to anyone who needs it!

Dave: that's a great idea! I'm not paying for health insurance either, at least not until I get sick.

Insurance company: Hey! If everyone stops paying for insurance, we'll go bankrupt!

Obama: Oh come on Sam and Dave, that's not fair either.

Dave: I don't care. It saves me money.

Obama: Oh for god's sake. Sam, Dave, you have to keep paying for health insurance, and not wait until you're sick. You too, Mary and Bob.

Mary: But I'm broke! I can't buy insurance! I just don't have any money.

Obama: Mary, show me your piggy bank. Oh, wow, you really are broke. Ok, tell you what. You still have to buy insurance, but I'll help you pay 95% of the cost.

Mary: thank you.

Obama: I need an aspirin.

Insurance company: We're not paying for that aspirin.

I think ACA says they have to cover the aspirin.

I didn't hear back but I'm hopeful I'll be called soon.  I'm getting so impatient with work but I got a lot done today.  During a meeting, I used the phrase "Bitches be trippin'" in reference to wire transfers not being executed on time and I also got my replacement to STFU.  He's okay at his job and terrific as an analyst but he's also a passive aggressive dick who isn't used to grunt work.  He's adding up listed items in excel one cell at a time and making lots of manual errors instead of using a SUMIF to add up all the variables and save time.  He's just making it hard for himself.  Amirite?  You Excel users?  Yeah?  Mofo justified?  No?  Still a mofo, I'm calling it.

I got my 1.5 miles in today and I have an 8 miler and 1 miler left for the week.

TMI: I go back for my last of the laser hair removal Groupon visits for my King Kong underarms tomorrow.  I probably need a few more treatments after this because there's still new growth but it's significantly less and I don't have to shave every day like I was before.  After a particularly inconveniently located nick this past winter, I was ready to give up on shaving.  I have nothing against hairy pits but my hair is as thick as hair brush bristles and feel just as comfortable.  I am prepared for a white hot laser to sear my skin and make me smell like bacon for a few minutes in 100 degree weather. 

Then Sunday is Magic Mike and margaritas with the running group.  This should end well.

Work was its worst on Monday so here are some things that made me smile the last few days.

- old man blasting polka in his Toyota Camry down the street.  he was a-jammin'

- friend of mine said a woman at the gym kept walking back and forth in the locker room naked, looking in the mirror then shift eyeing to see if anyone was checking her out

- that reminded me of another friend of mine who had a men's locker room problem of a guy who kept resting his nuts on the sink counter whenever he blow dried his hair.

- swimming made me feel infinite on Monday. i feel the same way when a run is going well and when i don't have to pedal down a giant hill when i'm cycling.  i've felt that way with tai chi and eating a piece of pizza, just to put things into perspective.

- i think . . . nah, i'll keep that one to myself for a while.